make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
