My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
