i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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