So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
