I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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