That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
