tell your sister to shave her snatch
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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