and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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