I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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