Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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