i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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