I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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