everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
