Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
