Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
