Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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