apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
