i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize