we're chasing vodka with high fives
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
