why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this boner is exhausting
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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