I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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