theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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