my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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