Porn is love you can see.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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