So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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