I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Mom said you looked used
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
