im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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