I think I just saw someone hide a body.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just puked most of my soul out..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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