my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
