Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
