She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
