if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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