i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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