I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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