so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
