We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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