I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
