Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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