The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
