That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
