Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
