We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
