our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
