Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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