Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
