I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
