Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize