Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
