the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
