i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
