I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
