thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize