I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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