I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
