Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
