i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
