you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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