I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
