I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
