I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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