I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
