At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
