Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
