Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
