dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
