That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
