not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They took my balls.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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