i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
