I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize