so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
