How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
