Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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