tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
