Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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